Sunday, May 2, 2010

seasons of change...

Seasons of change are always interesting ones. This time of year tends to be a season of change year after year... people go various places for the summer, some grow up and some inevitably let summertime craziness get the best of them, losing themselves to reckless abandon of any sort of sense in their lives. Some graduate and go start the rest of their lives somewhere else. Whatever the journey may be, summer is always a time of change - whether it be temporary or permanent. Lately I've been trying to figure out what my journey is going to look like over the next 3 months.

In a very concrete sort of way, I know what it's going too look like. I know I'll be in Nashville, I know I'll be working a lot. I know where I'm living and what a typical day will be like. I know it will be different than I originally planned, since I originally planned to spend most of my free time with the boy that I was going there for in the first place.

I don't know what God's bigger purpose for me being there is. I don't know if I'll be lonely and missing the community that I have in Jonesboro or if I'll easily plug back in with the 'family' that I used to have in the people in Nashville. I don't know if it was selfish of me to decide I was spending my summer in Nashville for a boy, and I don't know if our recent break up is God's way of saying, "this isn't your life to live for you, it's for me" or if it's just a case of random irony that we broke up after me making a commitment to be there all summer. I don't know where I'll be 'spiritually fed' on a regular bases. I don't know who I'll spend most of my free time with.

I have a lot of questions, I guess. Was spending my summer in Nashville a good decision? Will my heartache only get worse when I'm in the same city as him for 3 months? Will I find community as rich as it is in my life in Jonesboro? Will it be lonely?

Here's the reality: God's not going to answer them right now. He might not answer them ever. Whether it was for the 'right' or 'wrong' reasons, my decision to spend the summer in Nashville has been made. My prayer now is that God reveals a greater purpose. That it would be sweet and full of joy even if it is lonely and hard at times. That relationships would be rich, and that growth occurs in ways that I can't even imagine right now.

Here's to a season of unexpected occurrences... may it be full of blessings, no matter how big the trials are along the way. May it be rich in relationships full of Christ's love, and may we all look back in August and say, "thanks, God... it was worth it."