"Don't question where I have you--it's all a part of my plan."
Change has always been a struggle for me. But not really in an "I fear change" kind of way... more in an "I can't wait for what's next" kind of way. I want to skip the waiting and get to where God's taking me. This summer He's taught me to appreciate the journey.
There's an excerpt from a book called Between the Dreaming and the Coming True that I think helps describe one of the things I've learned this summer. Here it is:
I am coming to believe that the thing God said just before "Let there by light" was "Good-bye dark." And that Noah could not say hello to the rainbow without first having said good-bye to the world as it disappeared beneath the waters of the flood. And that something deep and mysterious about saying good-bye from the bottom of the pit made the hello that Joseph spoke to his father all those years later all the more wondrous. "Good-bye Egypt" turned out to be another way for the Israelites to say "Hello Canaan."
"Good-bye, Jesus of Nazareth," whispers Mary through her tears at the foot of the cross on Friday afternoon. "Hello, Lord of the Universe," she murmurs to the one she mistakes for a gardener on Sunday morning.
God has revealed so many things to me this summer that have confirmed that the goodbyes I've said in my life in the last year or so have led to some of the sweetest "hellos." Hellos that have changed my life and my relationship with Jesus.
Goodbye pain and heartache in my family ... Hello redemption.
Goodbye soccer ... Hello ministry.
Goodbye best friend since my first semester of college ... Hello room full of godly women pouring into each other every Monday night.
Goodbye 2-year relationship ... Hello freedom to re-dream up the rest of my life.
Goodbye ungodly beliefs ... Hello relentless faith.
God has taken this time of waiting in my life... this time that I felt like would have no purpose... and He has revealed purpose like I never could have imagined. He's done things in the last year that make it impossible for me to think that he couldn't do something. I've learned to take him at his word this year, because he's taken me at mine.
I asked him to heal the brokenness in my family and he did. When I felt like he wanted me to quit soccer and trust him, I asked him to show me what my ministry needed to look like, and he did. In the midst of a lonely fall semester I asked for community. I received it more than I could have fathomed in a group of girls that I meet with weekly. I asked for direction in my relationship with my boyfriend and he gave it to me. And when I obeyed, he poured out blessings... upon blessings... upon blessings. This summer I asked for greater purpose and He gave it to me, far beyond anything I could have dreamed up.
God has met me here this summer and given me more than I deserve, more than I asked for, and more than I ever could have envisioned. He's made it almost impossible for me to doubt. And he's taught me to be where I am, looking forward to what's next of course, but not jumping there without him.
So as I say goodbye to Nashville, it's a little bit bittersweet, because my time here has been so incredibly blessed. But it's only because of the perpetual presence of the Holy Spirit that it's been that way... and I'll be taking him with me when I go. :)