Thursday, July 22, 2010

Restless soul, clinging heart.

I have recently discovered that I have a strange and contradictory condition. Part of me is a bit of a restless soul. I can't stay in the same place or do the same thing for too long. As mentioned in my last post, I've been in Nashville for 8 weeks, haven't left once, and have done virtually the same thing every single day. And I can feel myself getting antsy. I'm ready for what's next. I need an adventure. I've got an itch to do something crazy... or at least different.

But then I think about the actual act of leaving this place that I love so much, full of people who love me so well, and it kind of makes me sad. I have a heart that clings to places because of the people that I love so dearly. Nashville will always have a piece of my heart for that reason.

I often find myself struggling to find a balance between resting and restlessness. Sometimes I feel like my naturally adventurous and restless heart jumps ahead of God's plan. But other times I think, "this is God pulling my heart to do this." And this summer, his voice has been undeniably loud. I think I've had a great summer full of resting in the Lord's presence. He's poured out unimaginable blessings and opened doors that I never knew existed. I'm so incredibly grateful for all of those things. But at the same time, I'm ready to move on to what's next. I don't want to get too comfortable in those blessings. I guess I don't want to cling to them for too long... I know that God has more to reveal. So I'm praying for patience but moving forward at the same time.

And really, I think that it's OK to be restless sometimes. I think there's an art to balancing it with stopping to appreciate the here and now, but I've always been a bit of a dreamer and I think that's good. I don't think any of us are ever supposed to be too comfortable. And as much as my heart often tries to cling to the here and now, I think that the fact that God always has me "on the move" in some form or fashion--be it physically, mentally or emotionally--is preparing me for something big. After all, Jesus was always on the move.

There's some food for thought. Jesus had an entire kingdom... but he never really had a home on earth. In fact, so many times in the gospels a story begins with, "and then he went to ___." Sometimes it even says, IMMEDIATELY. He was always on a mission. Never in one place for too long, never letting himself or his disciples get too comfortable... because he had to spread the love and he had to do it fast. He was on a mission to reach the cross. And now my mission is to share his.

Here's to a new chapter of my mission... of which not all future destinations are clear, although my eternal destination is. I pray that I stay "healthily restless"... never too comfortable and always learning. But at the same time, always appreciating the present, because it's the only place where I'm truly alive.

With just 8 days left of my summer in Nashville, I hope and pray that I take away from it all that God was trying to teach me. It's been a hell of an adventure, and I can't wait for what's next!

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