It never ceases to amaze me how God can take a situation and completely turn it around in my favor. Like, I think he sits up there and laughs at me a lot. Cause here I am, thinking I've got things figured out, and he does something to show me that I was totally wrong, and I just have to go, "Well, I'm an idiot. Thanks God, I get it now." For the last few months I've just been struggling with being so far from home, and feeling like my life is this broken record of meaninglessness. (is that a word? oh well.) Like, I just go to class, and go to soccer, and go to church on Wednesday and Sunday, and that's it. I'm not really growing in any area in particular, and I feel like I give little pieces of myself to each area but never my whole heart in anything.
So my first thought was, "OK, maybe I'm not supposed to be here. Maybe I shouldn't be here, just playing soccer, and not feeling super spiritually fed, and living this empty, boring, not really Godless, but not really God-full life." So I start looking into transferring, either to Tennessee or Texas, and as I started to apply, I found myself in this bizarre situation. My family moved from Tennessee to Texas in August, so according to the "admissions definition" of residency, I actually don't belong in either place. Like, I am not considered a resident of either state right now. I am officially homeless. It's kind of funny, but at the same time, I was like, "Wow... I don't have a home." So I just was like, God, if this is where you really want me, I need you to show me why... because I'm drained, and I'm exhausted, and I'm not understanding why you want me to feel this way. It's like that song... "If you feel lost and tired, this is your song..." that was me.
So over the last few weeks, God has just been showing me that He's really got me here for a reason, and it's bigger than soccer, or school, or anything that I could imagine. I spent this last weekend on a retreat and got to really get to know some of the people I've been meeting and starting to hang out with at church this semester. And I really believe that God brought me there this weekend to say, "Sara, stop searching for a home. I have one for you here. Here's your family, just stay here, and love these people, and be loved by these people, because this is why I've brought you to Jonesboro." And I can't even put into words the amount of peace that He's given me after this weekend. And it isn't going to be easy... I'll always be busy, tired, and drained... but everything that's worth it comes with a sacrifice, and I think if Jesus can die on a cross for me, I can deal with some adversity and be in this place that He has so clearly picked out for me. And if I just give my whole heart to Him, then that's all that matters... school, soccer, relationships, etc... He will work those things out. I don't have to feel torn, and pulled in a million different directions all the time, if He's the one that ultimately holds my heart. What a comforting concept!
I'm so thankful for the love that God has surrounded me with here. I can't think of a single person in my life here that I haven't absolutely fallen in love with, and I know that that's God at work in my life. I read a verse today that puts it into such perfect words... I like the way it was worded in The Message. It says:
"This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples--when they see the love you have for each other." -John 13:35
God puts us into certain places and certain situations for a reason, and He gives us people to build relationships with, and love each other like He intended for us to love each other. And if we're not taking advantage of that, we're wasting the greatest gift he's given us.
Thank you Jesus, for the love you've given me here, through the people you've brought into my life...